I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
