I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
