i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
