I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
