as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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