How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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