Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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