Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
