he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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