Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
