"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
