I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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