If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
