when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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