I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
