SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
