just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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