just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
