So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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