How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
