my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
someone owes me an orgasm
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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