also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
