I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
