just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
