What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
