How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
