She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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