She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
