if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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