She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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