why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
