how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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