just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
