i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
