I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
