K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that's an acceptable place to lick
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
