the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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