he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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