It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
