i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
