I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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