hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
