I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
