I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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