Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
