the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
