4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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