my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
