NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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