I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Randomize
