i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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