I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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