all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
