ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
